The Maddening Thing From the Kitchen of the Mad King

Yes, yes, I have it, I have the shiny... its mine, and you can't have it!

You want to pry the precious from my lips?

"Get a grip Mitsu!"

I.. I must... consume... waffles...

They call to me... the shiny glittering... stones and dusts...

Top with cream... whipped, blood and make sure its nipped!

...and a bit of this, yes... his bloodstone won't be missed...

"Mitsu! What in the Eternal Alchemy are you doing???"

Maaagic... with blooDstone... I don't apprEciate you questioning my judgement on these waffles, miss. See, they are perfect the way they are!

"You sure about that? Let me try.."

No, you mustn't touch the precious thing!!!

*om nomnom crunch nom nom*

"You still sure about that? Look at your plate..."

Its fine, its excellent, its the pinnacle of perfect in waffle form! Plus the Bloodstone... hungers......

"...and what is this, perhaps more presumptuous consumption?"

NOOOOooooo!!!! DO NOT TOUCH MY ICE CREAM!!!

I've added just the right amount of salted Bloodstone to give it a sticky sweet texture, one rivaling the blood of the fallen!

"MITSU I TOLD YOU NO! PUT THAT STUFF DOWN NOW!!!"

NEVER! You will not have my precious!!!

"Don't make me beat you over the head with Ventari's tablet or my scepticaliper. Put the ice cream down."

*squish nom om squish buuuurp*

**WHACK**

Excelsior, Peacemakers!

Elrayn here, I had to beat her over the head to get her to put it down, she needs a night spent in Headquarters to sober up. Do me a favour and make sure she doesn't remember me hitting her over the head...

The Shadow of the Mad King Looms Over My Kitchen pt 2

Excelsior!

This week I thought I would try something a bit different. Every year I look forward to a slice of Pumpkin Pie, but a certain sous chef had something I wanted to try.

I just love the way the spices come together in Pumpkin Pie Spice, with that autumn warmth. Nutmeg is my favourite part, but ginger brings a bit of freshness, cloves help balance the taste of the nutmeg, and cinnamon gives it its signature warmth. With infinitely different blends, it can take many years to strike the perfect balance.

Usually I make two things, but I really do want to get back to the festivities, so let's make this faster than a progeny can ask questions!

Pumpkin Pie

- Baked Sugar Pumpkin

- tsp Nutmeg, freshly ground

- tsp Cloves, ground

- tbsp ground Cinnamon

- tsp Ginger Root, ground

- Sugar to taste, brown ideally

- egg

- Ball of Dough

You'l want to have your A551-ST puree the Sugar Pumpkin, adding your Spices, Sugar, and Egg at this point as well. I like to also add black pepper.

Taste your mixture? Don't like it? Add more spices to taste, adjusting them one at a time with small quantities.

Be careful how much you add, too much of Nutmeg or Cloves will ruin the taste, and do you really want to be the bookah who brings a pie to the party, only to have everyone try to it feed the ranger's pet?

Once you are satisfied, you'll want to start working with your Ball of Dough. This ball is a bit different, you'll want to use more butter and less water. Roll it out, place in pie tray, and crimp edges trimming excess pie shell.

Bake at 491.15 Korrect, 218 Common, or 425 For bookahs for the first 15 minutes, then reduce to 449.15 Korrect, 176 Common, or 350 For bookahs for the remaining 35-60 minutes.

Once ready, let cool, and serve, ideally with a bit of whipped cream. Below is a slice for myself, and a slice for my Charr Kitchen Comrade.

In thee spirit of the season, I thought I would help sous chef Seimur Oxbone finish off his left over Chalices of Bloodstone Chili. Bloodstone foods are spooky, right? I don't understand why he keeps making this stuff though, there are no legitimate culinary applications of Bloodstone!

This post has been brought to you by the Central Tyrian Postal Services. CTPS brings you the fastest delivery time, with a guarantee of arrival within the first minute for Central Tyria, and 5 minutes for the Heart of Meguuma and Elona.

CTPS is also the only service to offer delivery to and from voyages outside of Tyria. Send your mail with CTPS today!

See yoU nExt Time, and haVe a nIce day!

The Shadow of the Mad King Looms Over My Kitchen pt 1

Double, no triple, trouble, toiling over as golem bubbles... Glitches peak while Phlunt speaks, and a Snaff entrant goes haywire amongst technogrubble.

Mitsu here, and in the spirit of the season, I've been shucking candy corn, peeling pumpkins, and baking myself into glitchy mess...

One of my favourite cookies is a seasonal one, Spicy Pumpkin Cookies, they're a delicious treat with just the right amount of heat. This was the first time I made them myself, usually I buy them from other chefs. I learned a lot making them, like how the face in the pumpkin is made. Aaah, I should make a second batch and share them with my guildmates!

I've also made a loaf my old krewe taught me how to make, a Slice of Pumpkin Bread is my favourite way to start the day in the autumn. Butter it a bit, hand it to a uWAVE-IT, and its fresh and gooey just like it is when its hot out of the oven.

I know, I know, the Pumpkin Bread is an Ascaolnian bread, and you may think its strange that Asura would be enjoying it so thoroughly, but there's a story there that someday I'll share, but till then its something you'll just have to bear. Point is, don't let some bookah tell you what you can and can't eat.

My ears, there's just so much you can do with a pumpkin, and not enough weeks to explore all of them!


Before we even get into this, bake your Sugar Pumpkin at 449.15 Korrect, 176 Common, or 350 For bookahs, until it passes the poke test (will a skewer pass through the peel cleanly?).


Slice of Pumpkin Bread

-Bowl of Pumpkin Pie Filling (which includes your spices)
- Bowl of Bakers Dry Ingredients (1 part sugar to flour, baking soda, about as much salt as baking soda)
- Butter or oil


Pumpkin loaf is one of those things that just gets me so excited to start the day. Bring it for your krewe, they'll love it too!

For this loaf, you'll want to make a batter rather than a dough. You may have noticed that there isn't water in the recipe, but if you've included the egg, butter, and pie filling, you don't need water.

First, I put my dry ingredients into a bowl. Next you'll want to drop an egg and butter/oil in if you are using that, I like oil because its a liquid lipid. Mix this a bit, but not enough to start forming a dough.

Spoon your baked Sugar Pumpkin into the mixing bowl, add your spices, and mix till a batter like consistency. You shouldn't need water! If you need water, discombobulate it, throw it out, or something, combobulate a new mixture!

For spices, I used powdered ginger, a few dashes, a few dashes powdered cloves, two literal pinches of nutmeg (Charr, please wear gloves, as nice as your fur is, I don't want it in my mouth), more than a few dashes cinnamon, and a little bit of black pepper.

Now that you have a batter, spoon this clumpy lump of to be cooked loaf into a bread pan.

Now bake at 435.15 Korrect, 162 Common, or 325 For bookahs, for roughly 60-90 minutes, depending on the ambient magic levels of the region.

Spicy Pumpkin Cookies

- Ball of Cookie Dough (cake type)

- 1 Ghost Pepper (or as much as you can tolerate)

- 3 Bowls of Candy Corn Glaze

- Bowl of Pumpkin Pie Filling

Make your ball of cake type cookie dough (this uses more flour and relies on moisture from other ingredients, like pie filling), add in Ghost Peppers, I used a couple dashes of Dave's Gourmet Ghost Pepper Sauce (I ran out of Melinda's Naga Sauce), and mix into a dough.

Now comes the hard part.

You'll want to take a small portion of dough, and put it in your 5HKE-IT golem with a few drops of green food dye, to make the stems.

Now you'll want to add a lot of orange food dye to the main bowl and mix, mix, and mix.

Once that's done, spoon out circle portions onto a greased cookie sheet, you should be able to make six per sheet.

Take a bit of the stem dough from your 5HKE-IT golem, and shape it on the tray into a stem.

For the eyes and mouth, put Candy Corn Glaze to make them. I made the mistake of only doing it for the eyes. The glaze will cause it to bake in such a way that it doesn't rise in that spot (oh, yeah, its a cake type, so I included baking soda).

Bake at 505.15 Korrect, 232 Common, or 450 For bookahs, for about 8-10 minutes, depending on ambient magic levels.

Remove from oven and let stand till ready to serve.

These are just a prototype, those mouths are not a mistake!

I don't have a sponsor for today, but I do want to tell you about https://www.extra-life.org/

They accept donations for the Children's Miracle Network, something my home community benefited a lot from when I was just a progeny. Consider donating to them and watching Arenanet's stream for the foundation.

Ahai From Jahai, With a Chili and Chowder

Ahai, Mitsu here!

Since the Summit, I've been spending most of my time in the Jahai Bluffs. And well... its been a long week... Should have been wearing my aqua breather, didn't want to ruin it though.. If that brandstone dust gets into your lungs, let's just say your body will be glitching out for a week or few...

After a week or so of getting healthy, I'm back. I'm behind schedule, and my ears is there ever a lot of work to do!

Before I got sick, I was working on some things with Prickly Pear, helping out the Zephyrites in Dry Top to get my licenses, and I got this craving for chili. Turns out the Zephyrites have a really good recipe for a vegetarian chili.

Bowl of Sweat and Spicy Beans

- Prickly Pears, based on the number of bowls
- Ghost Peppers (that's not the number of Ghost Peppers, its the number of processed Ghost Peppers, 10 dashes of a sauce is what I used)
- Kidney Beans
- Piles and Piles of Salt and Pepper

Most Kidney Beans on the trading post will be dehydrated, there isn't much point in trying to find them fresh, though I find the best ones to use are the ones stored in brine. Sometimes when you rehydrate a kidney bean, it remains kinda hard. Not the kind of thing you want.

I rehydrated mine the day before, then boiled them till they were soft yet firm. Drain and mix in Prickly Pear. Add a nice heaping Pile of Salt and Pepper, a few dashes of Ghost Pepper, and you'll be getting healthy in no time.

I added onion and a couple other varieties of beans to mine, as usual, dress as you please, its what discovery and exploration is about.

You would not believe how glad I was to have brought this with me to Jahai. The meaty texture felt satisfying, and the heat brought something when my sense of taste had been all but stripped by brandstone dust. Sure, it might not sound fun to sear the esophagus, but there's just something about it that makes me forget about the pain of swallowing crystalline dust. It was quite a lot like a good bowl of chili.

Bowl of Dilled Clam Chowder

- Bowl of Cream Soup Base
- Clams (I used about 50 or 75)
- Potato
- Onion
- Dill

This is one of those more than 4 ingredient dishes that uses nested recipes to get around the four ingredient limit, and a dish that reminds me of home in Metrica Province.

While sick, I wanted a personal favourite, and a Bowl of Clam Chowder seemed perfect. As a young progeny, we occasionally have had a Clam Chowder made with local ingredients, with some imported from Brisbane.

To make this, I first prepared a Roux to make a Cream Soup Base to work with, chopped Onions and Potatoes, as well as some celery and carrot (if you're going to get healthy, you need to be well nourished, nutrient sources can do a lot when you don't feel like eating much of anything).


Add Clams and Onions (as well as other things you'd like to add for flavour) to Cream Soup Base and let simmer. Let this thicken, you're going to be adding a lot of liquids later, and want to keep emulsion!

If you want to make the dilled version, this is a great time to add Dill Sprigs, or any other spices. I made mine with Dill, but also added a Pile of Salt and Pepper.

In another pot, you'll want to boil Potatoes in clam juice (and any other root vegetables you might like to add, carrot in my case). Once root vegetables soft enough to poke a fork through without effort. add them and the liquid they were boiled in to the main pot. I use clam juice to add to the clam flavour.

Once the two pots have been mixed, the soup is ready to serve. For better flavour, age 24-48 hours in a hypothermic unit. This lets the flavours come out better, becoming refreshingly pleasant, like seaspray.

When I'm sick, I like to have things that remind me of the best times of my life, it helps make me feel a bit better. What are some foods you like to eat when you're sick? Let me know down below!

Tyrian Food Law is Unfair, but Hey, Have Some Sorbet!

Ahai friends, Mitsu here!

Last time, I mentioned a bit about food law in Tyria. For the most part, you're free to discover what you can with the ingredients you have, combining them in different ways to create new dishes, but occasionally there are laws that can get in the way.

Licensing is one of the big food laws in Tyria. For the most part, licensing is there to protect a food from adulteration, but like last week's Butternut Squash Soup, not all licensing is about protection of the idea of the product. Sometimes licensing will exist to restrict who can make and sell a product, or consume a product in the case of many oyster and mussel dishes.

Food that can be dangerous gets restricted sometimes. This limits who can produce it to those who have been trained to produce it safely. Not everyone gets that training, and sometimes that training can be extremely expensive or very hard to get ahold of.

The other major food law is the Four Ingredient Law. Food allergies are dangerous, sometimes its only a bit of itchiness, but sometimes they are more dangerous than many of the foes I've fought. Its easier to rally a friend than it is to save someone from anaphylactic shock. Tyria's Four Ingredient Law requires food produced for general consumption to be composed of only four ingredients, some of which may themselves be made of ingredients, for the purpose of keeping track of what is in one's food. As a side effect, you get some recipes that are awkward or can be enhanced by adding small features.

This week, I bring you a dish where food law creates a bit of a paradox, and a nice dessert from the desert to go with it.


Spinach Burgers

This is where you run into a bit of a paradox. You see the cheese in the picture, but it is not in the ingredients list. Cheese helps stick the spinach to the burgers.

- Loaf of Bread
- ground Slab of Red Meat
- Spinach Leaves (a handful will wrap a burger, unless you are a Norn or like Norn sized burgers)
- Tomato Cheese

So, the story with the cheese goes a bit like this, the current photo in the recipe is the current dish, the recipe is the old dish, and the photo is of the patty that goes on the bun. Ideally you'd top with a tomato and condiments of your choosing, but it looks like cheese is used as a binder for the spinach to the burger, making wrapping wilted spinach easier. As a result of changes to the Book of Recipes over time, we end up with a five ingredient dish, something not legal in Tyrian food law, so in keeping with the law, I've created the four ingredient version for the new image. You cannot easily see it, but there is melted cheddar in between the spinach and burger patty.

How to make this, ow to make this... Well, first off, cook your burger, and top with a little bit of cheese towards the end of the cooking cycle. In another pan, heat and wilt spinach leaves, or you can use a uWAVE-IT golem very carefully (seriously, its easier to just pan wilt it). If you have to use a uWAVE-EH, you're probably with the Inquest. Then just wrap the wilted spinach around the burger, using the cheese on top and bottom bun to hold it in place.

Bowl of Prickly Pear Sorbet

This one was wonderful to make, think epicentre of strawberry, watermelon, and bubblegum, melting in your mouth with creamy goodness, with a hint of lime.

- 5 Prickly Pears per litre
- Ice Cream Base as per above
- Glacial Shard
- Lime to taste

I wish I had gotten a pic from the action cam on this one, but didn't think to... Anyways, slice the top and bottom of the pears off, the down the centre through the skin, and peel the skin away from the flesh like a layer of onion.

Toss fruit into A551-ST golem, proccess until it makes a slurry.

Add Ice Cream Base. If using pre-frozen Ice Cream, you can skip the following steps and instead just process and serve.

Take mixture and move to metal bowl. In a larger metal bowl, add crushed Glacial Shard, and put bowl with mix inside endothermic bowl. Mix gently while it thickens, and once sufficiently thick, put away to finish freezing.

Scoop into bowl and serve.

While this dish does require a license to make, because of how dangerous Prickly Pear hairs can be (think microscopic splinters getting into your skin), getting a license is not that difficult, and the Zephyrites are happy to teach.

Until next time, happy eating!

...oh... and yes... that is the actual colour of the sorbet...

Fun Facts About My Kitchen Golems pt 1

A551-ST

The A551-ST golem is a unit meant for slicing. Its name comes from the fact that it is the 551st golem design in the Appliance line, Slicing Through variant. Its incredibly useful for more than just slicing though, hence why I call using it "processing," with the end result being a processed food even when not sliced through. My particular model is a Mk2, which comes with a grating, shredding, and (im)perfect slicing processing unit.


5HK-IT

The 5HK-IT golem is the fifth version of the Handheld Kombobulator, Intelligent Timing variant. I don't have to use it often, but its incredibly simple. Put ingredients into a container of sorts, and place in golem's hands.

The IT variant is particularly useful, as its mixing better kombobulates by timing its motions intelligently in response to how the product inside is mixing.

If you want a perfect emulsion, there's no better way to go, unless you're a Skritt, then maybe the shininess of shaking it will amuse you for hours...

Southsun and Beyond Through a Soup, Salad, and Sauce

Mitsu here, commanding the kitchen, Pact, and some bookahs!

Years back, the Consortium tried to make Southsun a lovely travel destination, and theoretically speaking it would make an amazing place to relax, maybe be served a drink or two, forget about metagenomics and their impact on the flavour of sauces for a while (is it the sauce or the taster that's off?).

Fighting the karka, because some bookah had to go and disturb what's best left alone, led to the discovery of some wonderful ingredients! Passion fruit in particular was a big one, and it got me thinking... Let's toss a salad, destress a bit, and maybe roast some karka too!

Bowl of Salad a la Consortium (oh what a fitting name)

Before we even get into the salad, let's get back to basics. We need a Bottle of Tropical Dressing, so...


Bottle of Tropical Dressing

- Pile of Salt and Pepper
- Vegetable Oil (plus a bit of EVOO to taste) or other neutral oil
- Vinegar 1:1 with the oil, roughly (I used white wine vinegar, white vinegar works too, passion fruit vinegar is when you want to make the pinnacle of dressings)
- Sprig of Dill, about one  sprig will do, scale up as needed
- Ginger Root (extract the juice or skip to powdered), maybe 5% by volume of juice, 2.5, somwhere in that range
- 3-6 Passionfruit, juiced

I didn't think to grab a picture of the open Passion Fruit, but the natural geometry inside is beautiful!

Cut fruit in half, use knife or spoon to separate seeds from pith, throw seeds and pulp surrounding them into your A551-ST Mk2 to process to a juice. Filter out seeds, pour into dressing bottle.

Add herbs and spices, oil, and vinegar, close bottle, and hand off to your 5HK-IT golem to mix to full emulsion.

...and with that out of the way...


Actually a Bowl of Salad a la Consortium

- Bottle of Tropical Dressing to taste
- a Nornian handful of Spinach Leaf
- Head of Lettuce
- Walnu.. Almonds (Walnuts, I had Almonds on hand)

Have your A551-ST Mk2 clean itself out, then use it to grind your nuts. It should look like this, and once it does, set it aside.

Cut your Head of Lettuce into mouth sized manageable chunks. I like to use a technique my Elonian mentor taught me, take a chef's knife, cut the heart out of the lettuce by making a triangular pyramid cut (no, this is not a pun, my chef mentor was actually Elonian, and this was the cut he taught me when I was learning in the Mediza district), then just pull the triangle pyramid of a heart out, square base works too, but you lose more lettuce that way, its wasteful, so don't. Quarter the head, then simply slice into strips.

Toss your lettuce and spinach together, distribute roughly evenly, sprinkle Almo... Walnuts on top, dress, and serve! 

Oh, I added tomatoes because I had one that was going to turn, and the last thing you want is an undead Branded tomato (seriously, did the thought even cross your mind?). If you stick to a recipe, sure, you get the essence, but you miss out on discovery, and discovery is the best way to learn!

Bowl of Swee.. err.. Butternut Squash Soup (for 2... or 12 really)

- Cream Soup Base (Roux with buttermilk added, keep thin enough to be a cream soup base)
- Butternut Squash (the size and quantity determine the quantity of every other ingredient, so its hard to be specific with them)
- Stick of Butter (totally unnecessary if you used a butter based roux)
- Cayenne Pepper
- Ghost Pepper (a little goes an.. burning BURNing BURNING!)
- Apple (one is sufficient for a smaller squash)
- Pile of Pumpkin Pie Spice

As you can see, I am not certified to make any Bowls of Sweet and Spicy Butternut Squash Soup, but I'm not going to let rules stop me from experimenting!

First off, prep your oven to 450 proper units (that's 175C for most people, and 350F for a select few humans).

Get a baking pan or cookie sheet, cut your squash in half down the length, gut it of its seeds with a standard spoon, place flat side down on tray, bake till you can put a toothpick into the neck without effort.

Get your A551-ST Mk2 ready, because you're going to spoon the squash from its skin into it, process, and move to a soup pot. Heat over medium heat, then reduce to light simmer.

In a sauce pan, make your roux. Once that is done, add Buttermilk, Cayenne Peppers, (not certified to say this, because certification requires you to get lucky when talking to Pact Suppliers or spend everything you have) but Ghost Peppers (I use Melinda's Naga Sauce, look it up on the Black Lion Trading Post search page), processed Apples, and Pile of Pumpkin Pie Spice.

Once that is all nicely mixed, pour into soup pot and mix in. Serve.

I would have a sponsor, but after Canach and the Karka Incident, I'm not accepting gold from the Consortium. Although, if I accepted that gold, I could have gotten certified for the soup...